I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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