How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
