WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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