Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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