dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize