Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
