I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
