I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
In America we eat man semen.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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