hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
