Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
