I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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