All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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