69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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