Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
