i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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