i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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