I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the day after is always just damage control
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
