Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
