I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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