you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
