Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
