I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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