This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
