Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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