So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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