ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
