I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
