I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
