We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
