Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
