i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
