Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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