just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
