Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
