Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
