Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize