my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I stole a fireplace last night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
