my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
