Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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