I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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