Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize