somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize