When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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