Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
