So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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