fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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