he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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