He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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