I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize