Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
