youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
