we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
