There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
