I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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