I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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