did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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