That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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