we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
