I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
