the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
