I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
