It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
