OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
