i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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