I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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