Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
