My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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