I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
