She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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