i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize