I just pynch a tree in the face
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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