We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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