He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
