Apparently you make a good broom.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize