Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
