i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
