just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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