So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
