is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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