She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
