I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
