dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
