I'm eating all of the evidence.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize