I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
