i think my tv is drunk
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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