wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
