she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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