matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
