New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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