Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
