Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
